Wednesday, December 20, 2006

True Story

Once upon a time, three friends, known as Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller, Marguerite the Lovingly Obnoxious, and Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner, sat comfortably in a warm kitchen, all recently returned from fantastic adventures. After a good deal of conversation sprinkled liberally with laughter, one of the three, Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner, received a call from another friend, Katherine the Brave Doubter, who excitedly reported that she would be returning that very night. The three rejoiced that Katherine the Brave Doubter would soon be in their midst again. Marguerite the Lovingly Obnoxious enthusiastically suggested that they all partake of a simple quest for the nectar of the gods, ice cream, later that night.

Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller sighed despondently. She knew that she had been summoned by the People of Village Far Far Away to return to her home that evening. But her face brightened! Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller heroically proposed that she trek forth to her village and then return later in the evening, when Katherine the Brave Doubter had arrived. Marguerite the Lovingly Obnoxious and Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner cheered with great fervor at this plan.

Eventually the three friends parted, excited that their adventure would commence in a few hours hence.

Alas, while Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller managed to escape the grasp of the People of Village Far Far Away, she was not a resident of the Great Kingdom inhabited by the other three, and became desperately lost in the gloomy dark streets. Her friends valiantly tried to their agreed-upon meeting point, known as Sheridan’s Frozen Custard, but by the time their attempts were successful and all four friends had met at the spot, the store had darkened its windows and locked its frozen custard cases.

Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner rallied her friends, reminding them that their quest demanded that they continue their search for ice cream. Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller abandoned her carriage so that all could travel together with Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner. Reassured, the four set out on what proved to be the most demanding quest of their lives.

They searched high and low in the Great Kingdom for establishment that would provide them with their sought-after ice cream. The group covered three Dairy Queens, two Brusters, two McDonalds, and a Sonic in their quest. The defeats suffered at the Sonic and a McDonalds were particularly crushing. The drive-in Sonic restaurant boasted bright lights and several parked cars, strong signs that this would be the end of the great quest. The friends selected their frozen treats from the bright menus, but when Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner attempted to order through their communications system, a man in a vehicle parked next to theirs delivered the sad news: the establishment had just closed.

At this point, the group was quite despondent. Marguerite the Lovingly Obnoxious had exhausted her supply of witty insults for the moment, and the music that Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner played to give cheer in between defeats no longer caused heads to nod in beat. Katherine the Brave Doubter boldly suggested that they succumb to the pressure of finding a reputable ice cream store and instead eat of the lesser goods of the twenty-four-hour Baskin Robbins. Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner would hear nothing of it, and through her efforts the group had the strength to carry on.

The worst was yet to come, however. The group came upon a 24-hour McDonalds, and their hopes soared as they imagined the taste of McFlurries. They eagerly pulled into the drive through line and searched the menu for their frozen treats. But, they were not to be found! The group sighed collectively, but decided to settle for milkshakes instead. Elizabeth the Courageous Vehicle-Owner once again attempted to order for the group. But a woman’s voice delivered a crushing blow instead of sweet victory: this McDonalds had no ice cream of any kind.

Stunned into submission, the group almost gave up hope. But then, miraculously, another 24-hour McDonalds was recalled, a distance away. But that was nothing to the brave four compared to the joy of consuming ice cream. Off they went, and at last, after a long and difficult journey, they were successful. So great was their shared bliss that they sat in silence in the darkened car, gobbling their well-earned treats. Of course visiting ten separate stores was worth this prize.

Laura the Awkward Village-Dweller was returned to her vehicle, and all eventually drifted to their places of residence, sugar buzzed and still smiling from their glorious adventure.

The end.

P.S. photo documentaion of the grand adventure is available at

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