Bilbo: "I, uh, I h-have things to do." [fidgets with the Ring behind his back. Whispers to himself] "I've put this off for far too long. I regret to announce — this is The End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye."
[Bilbo puts the Ring on and vanishes.]
Hobbits: "Ooh!"
Goodbye until next year, Notre Dame!
The prompt at Sunday Scribblings this week is Anticipation. I haven't done one of these before, but I don't think a random prompt from someone who doesn't know me will ever be more appropriate to my life.
Most of my clothes are in two suitcases. Zed the red flowered plant currently lacking flowers has been relocated to the chapel, where some kind soul has offered to water the dorm's plants. My guitar is hiding in the chapel's confessional so it won't melt or warp or otherwise become damaged in our overly heated room with no ventilation. Christmas cards have been sent to my friends around campus, and a few gifts have been given and received. The fridge is off and defrosted. All that remains is to close my laptop, unplug its power cord, and stick it in my backpack.
I'm going home tomorrow. I am so ready. It's not that I don't like it here, or wouldn't be able to keep working and living here were there no break in sight, but a month at home sounds absolutely beautiful right now. I miss my family, non-dining hall food, sweet tea, warmer weather, my church, my pre-college friends. I miss being alone. I miss having the time to sit by myself for hours, reading and cross-stitching and listening to music. I miss the comfort of my room, where I've slept for as long as I can remember (until now, of course). All of this and more is what excites me about being home.
A part of me is worried, too. I don't know if my excellent relationship with my family will continue when we're around each other for more than a week, and I don't like fussing with my family. I hope I won't get bored or restless. That's been a big problem in my large amounts of free time this week- I had two finals Monday and then nothing until today, so Tuesday and Wednesday were spent doing a lot of nothing. But it wasn't comfortable, you know? I've been on overdrive all semester, and it feels weird to be able to relax and not worry about deadlines. Is that bad? I also have a lot of anxiety running through my head regarding the priest situation I mentioned a few posts ago. My rector wrote him a note asking him to leave me alone, but I'm terrified that he'll find me during the break. I have no clue what I would do.
Basically, I'm filled with a lot of anticipation, good and bad, and as with most things, I wish it would just HAPPEN already. I believe that anticipation can be good, but I also dislike being in such a state. Which is why I will distract myself with a book now. Good night, my lovely readers.
I just narrowly missed sleeping through a final. I have no clue how it happened, but somehow, I did not wake up when my alarms went off but at 8:15. The final started at 8. How I managed to wake up spontaneously at 8:15 instead of 12:15 is an act of God. I'm pretty sleep deprived. I pulled a hoodie on, hoofed it to my classroom 25 minutes late, and took the exam with time to spare. It was soc, and it's a really easy class, so no big deal. I was very rational through the whole process: ok, ten minutes to walk to class, taking the final is no problem, the only issue will be if she doesn't let you walk in late, but she's nice and won't do that.
Let it be known that I have never done something like this before. I almost missed a flight from oversleeping this semester, but never something like a test. I'm an academic perfectionist. Even now, I'm worrying in the back of my head about a multiple choice question I got wrong. Good grief, I say. Regardless, my finals are over, and I just printed my last paper.
I feel like a college student now.
Summary of the huge thing I had typed up (cough, before meanie blogger deleted it, cough):
Nothing quite so dramatic, but I'm listening to "On Fire" by Switchfoot and I love that line.
Haha, my iTunes shuffle just went to "Rhythm of the Night". Does that mean something?
Anyway. One of the people in my small group at the retreat I went to last weekend said something that has been so true this week. He said that in high school, you see people for a few hours every day, and then everyone goes home and has time to unwind. Here, you people all the time, in all different moods. Being frustrated, or exhausted, or depressed is much harder to hide in such close quarters. Everyone's stressing over finals. Some are sick, too, which totally sucks. We're all pulling hours pouring over textbooks and doing practice exams. I think that most of us know somewhere in the back of our minds that ten years from now, our scores on these finals won't really matter, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from how seriously we're taking the goings-on of next week.
It's like standing on the edge of a cliff. We've studied and studied and wish that it we could just JUMP, already.
And all of that tension and anxiety and impatience inevitably finds its relief through annoyance with others. Interaction right now is kinda like walking over ice while having no clue how thick it is. It could break at any time.
Yeah, we're going to need that month-long break. Badly.
In other news, Notre Dame is in the Sugar Bowl, but I didn't get a ticket from the lottery. I was divided over whether I wanted to go anyway- I had no clue how I would get there, it would be a big expensive hassle, I've already had the best away game experience ever (yesss I so swam in Spartan stadium on 9/23/06), and I've never watched a game with my family. It all worked out for the best. Go Irish!
Final bit of news... I got into the SSLP program through the Center for Social Concerns. Meaning that I will spend eight weeks of my summer somewhere in the US immersed in a non-profit, working with the poor and disadvantaged every day. I'm scared out of my mind, but I want to do this so much. As Maria noted in her post today, I know I'll learn way more from them than I could give to them. I still have to do a placement interview to find out where I'll be. This is probably the most adventurous, taking-it-on-faith thing I've ever done, but it feels right. I feel as called to this as I have to everything else that's been a right choice in my life. But at the same time, I'm only human and- eek.
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?
I'm getting into you, because you got to me
In a way words can't describe.
I'm getting into you, because I've got to be
You're essential to survive.
-Relient K, "Getting Into You"
