Wednesday, January 03, 2007

How to destroy my self confidence in ten seconds or less

Tomorrow afternoon, I depart with the Boy for some quality time in the mountains with him, his parents, his older brother, and his brother's girlfriend. In the days leading up to this trip, I have been very excited about it, mostly because I hope it will be fun and relaxing and good for all relationships involved.

Then, on the phone with the Boy tonight, he dropped this beautiful comment:

"And there's a hot tub at the cabin, so we can enjoy that..."

The ironic thing is, I asked him when we were still up at Notre Dame whether or not I ought to bring a swimsuit home in my limited suitcase space. We decided no, that was silly, why would I go swimming in December? Yes, dear readers, both of my swimsuits are hundreds of miles away in Indiana.

It's not that huge of a deal, really; I could potentially wear shorts and a t-shirt in said hot tub, or procure a cheap suit tomorrow sometime. But it triggered a whole host of other issues. My legs aren't shaved, I'm out of shape, I've gained a little weight during the food fest that my break has become, etc. These led to feelings of discomfort, anxiety, and general unhappiness, of course accompanied by natural envy of Joey's brother's girlfriend, who is gorgeous and will have no problem looking great in a bikini. I'm worried about how I'll look in a one-piece. All of this sent me reeling into a fanatically depressed anxious introverted mental fetal position. It doesn't take much to push me off the edge, huh?

So now I find myself hopelessly awake at 3 AM, worried to pieces about my ability to be generally cheerful and fun to be around with people I'm apparently not all that comfortable with for days. I'm ok with Joey's parents, but I haven't spent nearly enough time around Eric and Meghan. Yes, you read right, somehow a minor swimsuit incident led to a complete loss of faith in my social skills.

What else is there to do at this point but blog about it, laugh at myself, and hope that someone else will laugh with me? I'm obviously not backing out of the trip based on something so minor. I will end up being ok, probably embarassing myself a few times and never entirely relaxing around Eric and Meghan, but parts of it will be fun. This is one of those beautiful times in life when you bite the bullet and hope for the best.

7 comments:

  1. Silly Wabbit. You're charming, intelligent, and have a clever wit. AND, you don't weigh 300 lbs. AND, thank God, you don't weigh 70, either.

    So, metaphorically speaking, of course--let it all hang out, Baby.

    Have fun, relax, and recharge yourself!

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  2. I would be going completely nuts with anxiety.

    That said, once you are in the situation, fake it the best you can! Confidence can make you appear way prettier than bikini-girl, not that anyone is probably focusing on it anyway...I'll also bet that you are being way too hard on yourself.

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  3. well, hellooooo!!! i just discovered that you have (awesomely) linked me in your blog. and, i will now return the favor. love your blog and humorous musings. hope you're enjoying "the bend" and all that michiana has to offer.

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  4. kristy3:11 AM

    Have a lovely trip--it will all be fine.

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  5. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone- everything was fine. I just get anxious about such things beforehand.

    P.S. Kristy, are you a Kristy I know from ND or blogworld or somewhere else? I know lotsa Kristys, and I want to make sure I'm thinking about the right one when I read your comments. Thanks for commenting :-)

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  6. kristy5:02 PM

    Blogger Beta is the problem. There is a hyperlink from my name to my site, but, I guess since I'm not on Blogger, they seem to be now refusing to print my name in blue to indicate that there is a link there. But there is. You can click my name and find me.

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  7. kristy5:03 PM

    I think...

    www.dangerpanda.com

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