Monday, April 30, 2007

Just Thoughts

Things like projects, papers, and finals are pulling at the edge of my attention, but I'm too far away to settle down to that. Little things preoccupy me- did you know that preocupado means "worried" in Spanish? So maybe little things worry me. Confusion and trepidation and something like silent hysteria. Maybe it's because I'm finishing my first year of college in two weeks, and who knows what that means. Maybe I feel no wiser or stronger or in touch with myself. Maybe someone from my past wrote something just the right way to make me think back and sigh. Maybe I can't get the sound of the shuffling of an old man's feet out of my head. He moved his cane an inch, then his feet, step-step. Maybe I'm thinking of the thunderstorm that broke furiously five minutes later, and wondering if he made it to shelter. Maybe I'm thinking that in three weeks I'll be in New York, and good grief what was I thinking. Maybe I'm thinking of the robin perching on the handlebars of a bike yesterday, singing with all its might and breaking my heart. Maybe I think too much.

Why does life so often feel like something to get through? If I just write these papers, finish these projects and presentations, study for these finals, pack this stuff, drive this car back home, then I'll have time to actually live. But I never have the time.


  1. I felt like that a lot in university. You'll get your time, sooner or later. :)

  2. 45 years later, I think: when I turn in these grades, I'll have a break; when I pay the mortgage, I'll have a break; when this play is over, I'll have a break; when the kids move out of the house, I'LL HAVE A BREAK.

    Still waiting.

    When you figure out the human condition, do share. In the meantime, try to enjoy at least one fleeting moment in the day. I'm afraid that's the best advice I can come up with. I don't even take it, although I sure do try.

    Now, about the old man shuffling...what a tremendous image. Are you going to write a vignette/story? If not, I'm so stealing the idea.

  3. LOL, no, no story writing here, you can have it.

    P.S. thanks for the advice guys :-)

  4. so here's the story: